Monday, January 15, 2007

NFB: Being a woman sucks sometimes

My new blogging assignment is a topic I came up with, about a time that you had to make a choice about something that affected you deeply. I'm still in the process of this choice, and it hasn't been made final yet...but I feel that this is my only option to live with less pain.

As most of you know, I have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and was recently diagonosed with Adenomyosis. Sometime in early December I spoke with the nurse at the doctor's office and they are pushing for an endometrial biopsy because they are unsure of whether what I have is Adenomyosis or if it is Endometriosis. *Sigh.* I am tired of the tests. It's painful and I keep having problems. The first problems were in 2001 with the uterine polyps. They say that in 5-7 years after having polyps removed they can recur. With all of the problems I am having, a partial hysterectomy is recommended. It's not worth going through the pain and it's not worth the expense. We haven't had anything done yet as we are one of the millions of families without insurance (at least our daughter has insurance, which I am grateful for), but I have to do something soon. The pelvic pain is getting increasingly worse, and has immobilized me at times. I've resorted to taking Aleve, which is a strong painkiller and even THAT does not work. There's really no cure for this, except for the hysterectomy. Part of it is the ovarian cysts that grow inside of me, but the uterus is now causing trouble for me.

I used to beg for a partial hysterectomy, even prior to the uterine problems, because I hate dealing with that time of the month, and I hate dealing with the female issues it brings along with it. Now? Because it's going to happen eventually, I can't help but think of what I may be losing out on. We are blessed to have our daughter and she is the light of our life...but I can't help but think of the what if's. What if something ever happened to her? Yes, you cannot replace a child, and I realize my paranoia in this, but I know that I would probably want another child. Yes, there is adoption, but it's not something my husband will consent to (don't ask me why- he won't even discuss it with me). In any case, what if I want a baby in the next two years? Then I think, please! With everything I have gone through and will continue to go through, the likelihood of becoming pregnant is slim to none. But you know, the uterus is a part of me. It's what has housed my daughter for the 9 months she grew, it's what has given me agita, it's a part of me. I won't go as far as to say it is who I am, because it is not...but I have had dreams where the uterus was gone and I felt like a part of me was missing.

I am pretty sure this is a normal feeling and only psychological, but I can't help but feel this way. This is a huge decision that I have made and when it is made final, there is no turning back.

3 Comments:

At 10:55 AM, Blogger sher said...

It is normal and it being psychological is profound. I think all your concerns are very valid and I can understand wrestling with them. I have fibroids and many of the same problems you are dealing, including pain and periods from hell! I am thinking about starting the process to get a hysterectomy--but I don't look forward to that at all!

 
At 6:33 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that too!!! Ugh. They found an area that "looked suspiciously like polyps or fibroids" but I haven't had it taken care of because it's too damn costly. I am almost positive it's polyps. Gotta love being a woman sometimes, eh?? Keep me posted on what you decide! I'll be here for you! ((((HUGS))))

 
At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jen,

Before agreeing to a hysterectomy, please check out the following sites. I have an uncle who after 50 developed stomach and prostate cancer. Without any research or second opinions, he was offered alternatives to removal of his reproductive organs. Contrast that to me, who at 35 after choosing an alternative to removal of my reproductive organs, in one hour they were removed. This was done in spite of being childless, asymptomatic, regular periods, no pain, no issues with intercourse, etc. In one hour, my functional reproductive/sexual organs were removed. The game on the table is your quality of life, this is not business as usual.

I find it interesting to hear on a number of boards, how a hysterectomy is the best decision one has made. There is no way possible any woman can know what is being done, when a hysterectomy is performed. I never hear men discuss how their prostrate was removed and its the best decision they ever made.

In any event, I belive women individually or collectively need to come up with a plan for dealing with thier reproductive health from contraception to post-menopause, if not our fate will continue to lie in the hands of the medical community.

Weston A Price (nutritional info)http://westonaprice.org/women/index.html

HERS Foundation (provides info about the alternatives to, and consequences of, hysterectomy)
http://www.hersfoundation.org

The Play "Un Becoming"
Explores how any woman can lose control when the voice of intuition is silenced.
http://www.unbecomingplay.com/media/trailer.html

Katie Singer, Garden of Fertility
(Natural Birth Control)
http://gardenoffertility.com

A Good Birth, A Safe Birth: Choosing and Having the Childbirth Experience You Want
http://amazon.com

Lise Colutier-Steele, MisInformed Consent, 13 Women Share Their Stories about Unecessary Hysterectomy

Stanley West, MD, The Hysterectom Hoax, The Truth About Why Many Hysterectomies are Unnecessary and How to Avoid Them

 

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