Monday, October 27, 2008

Wow, where did October go?

We're already in the last week of October and I'm scratching my head. It has truly been a monumental month, needless to say. I turned 30 on the 11th, got a job in another (non-customer service) department and am transferring next week, soccer season just ended, and work has been incredibly busy lately.

With all of the craziness I decided I would start cooking again anyhow- I got into a mood to cook and pulled out this binder thing I am subscribing to (Great American Recipes or something) and made a few of their recipes. Of the few I made, Chicken Stroganoff and Spaghetti Lasagna were our favorites. The weirdest thing? I hate mushrooms. Now? I like them. It makes no sense at all, but I'm rolling with it. Miss Finicky (my daughter) even likes them, which surprised me as well. Now that it's getting colder, I'm getting in the mood to cook. It'll be no time before I pull out my good ole Crockpot Beef Stew recipe and make that again as well.

We're up in the Pacific Northwest, and I'm noticing that apples are more expensive this year (particularly my favorite- Honey Crisp) and that pumpkins are still green. It's very bizarre. We went to a local pumpkin patch a few weeks ago and we could not find a good pumpkin this year. We're probably going to pick up one at the grocery store. I read that it was just abnormally cold this year which is why the crops for pumpkins and apples are late bloomers this year. In any case, I cannot wait until Friday- and can I just reiterate how excited I am that Halloween happens to fall on a Friday night? How fun!

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Friday, October 10, 2008

The frost is on the pumpkin

Yesterday morning while on my way to work, it was 34°F. Brrrrr. I had to put my winter gloves on to drive, the steering wheel was freezing. This is typically my favorite time of the year but with the funk I've been in, I haven't been enjoying it as much as I would like to. However, there is one exception to that, and it's HALLOWEEN, which falls on a Friday this year. How excited am I? How excited is my daughter? We're going to take her trick or treating (which we have never done because it usually falls on a school night or something else was going on) and probably to any other community event going on. We love Halloween. My daughter will be dressing up as Raven from Teen Titans, found a costume online, which looks like this:

I will be dressing up as a devil, well, kind of. I got the horns, pitchfork, a bowtie (which I knew wouldn't fit around my thick neck) and a tail. In the beginning of the year I had always said I wanted to dress up as Roz from Monsters Inc, since I could do a wicked impersonation of her.

It wouldn't be that hard to pull off that look. LOL. Maybe I'll be Roz next year.

We'll be going to get our pumpkins soon and do the whole horror movie thing as usual. As you probably already know, I'm a sucker for the original Halloween (don't get me started on Rob Zombie's vision, well at least the second half of it!), so of course that'll be one I watch.


Saturday, October 04, 2008

Shut up and let me go


I have no clue what is wrong with me, but it seems like depression has begun to rule my life yet again. I'm on Clonazepam for the anxiety and panic attacks I have been suffering lately, and while I go to work and do my job, I must admit the stress of customer service has gotten to me yet again but this time it's worse. It's not just work, it's also the fact that I turn 30 in a week from today, and while the actual number is not what is getting to me, it's the fact that my body is continuing to change in a very negative way. I am always tired, my body aches, my knees are giving me trouble, I'm dealing with more problems that only us females deal with that might actually push me into a hysterectomy sooner than later. I don't understand what is going on with me. As much as I appreciate my doctors I don't think they are taking me seriously- I have cried out for help and I don't think that they understand my pain (not just physical either). I reluctantly decided to ask my PCP for Clonazepam because of the panic attacks I have been dealing with. The exhaustion is getting to me as well, which is probably part of the reason I'm having panic attacks (I've had a couple of them at work recently which is not good).

Let's get back to the exhaustion which the PCP states could be a myriad of issues, most likely my sleep apnea, which I just started the CPAP for last night. It's not pleasant, because at first I go into a full-blown panic mode where I cannot breathe, because of the level the CPAP is on, but I have this "ramp" button where I can lower the level. I slept okay last night, but woke up several times even with this on. I had a very vivid nightmare where I had driven into this forest where spiders attached these webs that would find their way into my skin and I would try to pull them out, and in very graphic detail which I will omit, reminded me of a movie I watched about a month ago called The Ruins (I won't ruin it for you, ha ha). In any case, I thought it was real and normally in my dreams I can usually tell myself I'm dreaming- not in this case, I woke up scratching and pulling at my arm. Very creepy. I had some issues with the level of moisture as well, but of course I will continue to use it. I really think that besides the sleep apnea (and the horrible bed that needs to be replaced badly, but let's put it this way- how many of you have an extra $1200 on up laying around to buy a decent foundation and mattress? It's going to be a while and right now I'm going to continue to deal with the pain I'm suffering from that bed particularly in my hips, lower back and pelvic region) my problem is the Anemia. I just had a CBC (Complete Blood Count) done but I don't know what the results are. I don't think they are good because it's mostly gone untreated as I cannot tolerate iron. I am taking Slow Fe as I have mentioned before, but it's a VERY low dose. I've tried implementing more spinach, lean red meat, etc in my diet but it still doesn't help. The doctors are puzzled as to why I am not able to keep my blood count up. I don't have the family inherited Alpha Thalessemia, that was ruled out. It's frustrating.

In any case, if you are wondering what "Shut up and let me go" means, besides being this ultra catchy song by a band called The Ting Tings, it means I wish this depression/funk I am dealing with would just SHUT UP AND LET ME GO. Seriously.

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