Tuesday, August 05, 2008

One step forward, two steps backwards

What am I doing blogging at 4am? I am up because of work obviously, but really, just frustrated with my health lately. Right now I'm dealing with vertigo (right now, not so bad, yesterday, terrible) as a result of a double ear infection and sinus infection. So I'm on the antibiotics and nasal sprays to try to get it under control but I still feel like a bobblehead. I did not work out at all last week, and ate terribly over the weekend. Okay, so I'll move past that- I had every intention of going to work out yesterday but ended up at my doctor's office trying to figure out what was causing this vertigo. When I got home I went to bed because everything was spinning. No workout. Last week no workout because I was not feeling well either.

Thursday I have a weigh in, first time since early June and I'm freaking out! I know one shouldn't obsess about their weight so much, but the truth is, I really have worked hard and I know my body- weight loss is hard for me, inch loss not so much. So while co-workers and other people say they are seeing changes in me, I have to wonder if that scale will budge. What I fear is that it will have stayed at the same or have gone higher. If that's the case, I don't know how I'll react. I have been doing everything right (minus the last week because of illness), and it would be so frustrating to find a weight gain or have stayed the same. I'm hoping for at least 10 lbs in the past 2 months, if not, more. We'll see. Of course, I'm sure that'll be when my endocrinologist intervenes with the Byetta, which I'm leery of taking. What are my options? If it can't be controlled via diet and exercise then what? My insulin is out of control, but lucky for me, my blood sugars are great. It's just a matter of time until it turns into full fledged Type 2 Diabetes though, and that worries me. This weight HAS to come off.

I honestly try to stay optimistic because I am optimistic at heart. I believe in the good of things- I believe things get better, even if life throws you a curveball. Maybe that's why I have survived this crap for so long? I don't know.

Anyhow, off to work for me, and I hope this dizziness stops soon.

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At 8:09 AM, Blogger Sara Smile said...

Hang in there.. I know how you feel in regards to being frustrated because you can't do what you want to do because you're sick. Can I just say though that you are doing well and if you can focus on something else rather than what you cannot do it will help your stress level. Worrying about what you cannot change at the moment will only make you worse. I wish I could be there to hug you. I am here for you.
Love you

At 9:58 PM, Blogger Sue said...

I hope it all goes well. How about being happy with what you HAVE accomplished? You're working hard to get healthy and that's the important thing.

At 1:27 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

Sara- thank you! :)

Sue- you are right, it's easy to get caught up in stress and not realize what we have accomplished and i like the mindset of moving on, but boy oh boy was it a challenge last week. Thank you!


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